What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
