when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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