I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize