Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
