Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
