It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish you could order shots online.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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