I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
