when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
