FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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