someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
