Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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