Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
