Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
