So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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