I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
