and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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