fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
