I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
