I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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