She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
