Already got asked if we're dating
Do you still have your period?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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