I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
