so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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