you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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