I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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