i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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