Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
