I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
