We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
im holly from the hills drunk
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
