I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
