So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
