sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize