And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
