I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
