I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
