feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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