It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
