Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
