I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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