In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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