When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
