i barfeds in our rink
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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