its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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