Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
