If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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