i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Barsexuality is the new black.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
