he wants to bone in the snuggie
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize