I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
