i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
