I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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