Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
