Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
