Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize