hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
