i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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