he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
