addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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