Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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