Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
