I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
