please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
