Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
