he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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