He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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