Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
