Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
