Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
