I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
