i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
