whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
