I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
