what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
