just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize