Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize