How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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