I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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