My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
