Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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