If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize