Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
