I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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