I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
