If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Randomize
